Can I just go wait in the car?

It's my corporate Christmas lunch today. Sigh.

Above and beyond my not liking Christmas or any other Holiday than Halloween lies a deeper, more subtle fact : I'm uncomfortable in social situations.

I know I don't come across that way, but it's the absolute truth.

Since many years now, I have made every attempt to make my personal life better, freer, exempt of all these stupid useless responsibilities I hate so much. I don't bring back my returnable containers (I give them to homeless people). Don't ask me when trash day is. I don't open letters and bills. I never go to shopping centers.

Aaaahhhhh. So much more time to enjoy the real life :)

In order to achieve that, I have removed many things - and people - from my life. I completely cut down television, I don't hang out with people I don't sincerely like, I avoid shallow people and conversations and resent small talk.

All that's really good for me, but it's had an unforeseen consequence: I've become less and less socially able. When I'm placed in a social situation out of my circle of friends, I never know what to say, what to talk about. Others discuss professional sports, television, weather, stuff that's on the news. I like to talk about underground music and movies, philosophy, adventure travel, video games.

It makes me feel out-of-place, awkward. 95% of the people who come to me don't interest me one single bit, and I have the hardest time not to demonstrate it. And as soon as they stop talking, I have no idea what to add, so I usually smile stupid and say nothing. Worst even, I fail to react to most of what they say, because they refer to soap operas, sports, gossip or reality TV. And I truly, honestly, sincerely have no idea what the fuck they're talking about.

Maybe I'm anti-social.

But if all it takes for me to have my happy, irresponsible, careless, random life is a couple hours of social awkwardness a year, well, so be it :)

Cheers,

Flint

UPDATE - Believe it or not, to add discomfort to unease, I was awarded a "creative person of the year" prize or some shit (I wasn't listening, I was busy picking sandwiches at the buffet) ...